The Happy Club is like a musical-comedy. Happy and The Happy Club make up "raps" spontaneously, like characters in a musical do with songs (challenge the players to create the beats and melodies). This play should be done larger than life, and over the top. Get wacky. The actor playing Mopey should have fun with the "golly-goshes"—improvise.
(all characters could be any age, gender, or grade. Have fun.)
Two tables, a few chairs, a knapsack, some school books, a newspaper, facial tissue.
The Happy Club (for 3) was first performed by the Hilltop High School Drama Company on May 4, 2000 at Westlock Zone II West Drama Festival in Alberta, Canada. They won first prize!
The Happy Club (for 3) was first published in 2000 as part of the collection Plays For Kids To Do: Volume 1
Happy and Pappy, the sole members of the Happy Club, try to make Mopey happy. Mopey, who already feels happy, wants just to be left alone in order to study. After Mopey realizes they won't go away, there is a battle of wits. Mopey eventually uses some scientific knowledge about the limited life span of the sun to win the battle. The members of The Happy Club leave the study hall very depressed. Mopey is free to study once again.
(LIGHTS UP ON A FEW LONG TABLES. MOPEY STUDIES AT ONE TABLE. HAPPY AND PAPPY SIT AT THE OTHER. HAPPY TEACHES PAPPY HOW TO SMILE. MOPEY SNEEZES, COUGHS, AND MOANS DUE TO VARIOUS ACHES AND PAINS. HAPPY STOPS TEACHING AND STANDS)
HAPPY: What a beautiful day. The sun is glowing like a big, bright orange. The sparrows are singing to my soul. And it just feels so good to be alive.
(ANNOYED, MOPEY SLAPS THE TABLE AND GIVES HAPPY A NASTY LOOK)
HAPPY: What's wrong? Life's got you down, doesn't it? (MOVES TO MOPEY)
MOPEY: Leave me alone. I have a big test.
HAPPY: Yup, you've got the four B's.
MOPEY: No, I don't—what's the four B's?
HAPPY: BIG, BITTER, BUG in your BRAIN.
MOPEY: No, I don't have one of those—yet. Now, let me study. (SNEEZES)
HAPPY: You have a cold, I see.
MOPEY: Look, Mr. Bucket said no talking.
HAPPY: Mr. Bucket went to the bathroom, and you know him, when he goes to the bathroom, he never comes back. (PAPPY NODS IN AGREEMENT) So, tell us why you're unhappy.
MOPEY: I'm not unhappy. I just have a cold—at least I hope that's all it is. So if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to—
HAPPY: (TO PAPPY) Hey, don't you think this somber soul is just a little unhappy? (PAUSE) Well?
(PAPPY STANDS, AND CLAPS HANDS IN RHYTHM. HAPPY JOINS IN. THEY TALK IN RHYTHM—LIKE A RAP)
HAPPY AND PAPPY: Mr. Bucket is out of the room
time to pull out your happy broom
And sweep all those dark blues away
'cuz, baby, you're sad almost everyday
HAPPY: We both agree that you’re unhappy.
MOPEY: I'm happy and good grades make me happier. Now leave me alone.
HAPPY: We can't. Everyone has to be happy. All the time. In fact we're a club—The Happy Club—and it’s our mission to make the world a happy place. Right, Happy Club?
HAPPY AND PAPPY: When you're frowning
and your soul is drowning
and you can't taste the French in your fry
don't be a frump, just take a jump
and fly right up to the sky
so come on, baby, get happy
get happy with The Happy Club
get happy with The Happy Club
HAPPY: Let's do the happy dance! (PAPPY WALKS DOWNSTAGE PRETENDING TO BE SAD. HAPPY DANCES A CIRCLE AROUND PAPPY. PAPPY ROLES INTO A SAD BALL. HAPPY'S DANCE GETS REAL BIZARRE. THE ACTOR SHOULD GET VERY WACKY. PAPPY JUMPS UP, HAPPIER THAN EVER. THE DANCE ENDS) Now, how about a big smile? Come on. You can do it.
HAPPY: Come on, let that sun—that glorious, infinite sun—that's in your heart shine right through your teeth—making them into little lamps that shoot beams of light that say to each and every human being "welcome to my world can I get you something to drink?"
(MOPEY SLAPS THE TABLE AND GRUNTS. THE BEAT STARTS UP. THEY MAKE MOPEY STAND, THEN DO THE HAPPY DANCE AROUND HER. THE DANCE ENDS. MOPEY LOOKS EVEN MORE MISERABLE)
MOPEY: Well, that didn't work. (GETS UP. SITS IN CHAIR)
HAPPY: A smile would really make you feel better. Right, Happy Club?
(HAPPY AND PAPPY SMILE WITH OUTSTRETCHED ARMS)
HAPPY: Join us. Join The Happy Club.
MOPEY: No. I just want to study. Please—
HAPPY: We're not gonna give up on you.
MOPEY: Look, I'll tell you this once, and only once—don't mess with me.
HAPPY: We're not messing with you. We're helping you. There's a reservoir of gladness inside you. We just need to pipe into it.
MOPEY: I'm going to win, you know.
HAPPY: Of course you're gonna win. There's a winner inside of everyone.
MOPEY: No, I don't think you understand. I'm going to WIN.
HAPPY: Was that a smile?
MOPEY: No. My face hurts.
HAPPY: Your face doesn't hurt.
MOPEY: It always hurts. I have some kind of facial muscular disease.
HAPPY: Well, you can still smile on the inside.
MOPEY: I can't. My stomach always hurts, too.
HAPPY: No one's stomach always hurts.
MOPEY: Mine hurts every second of every moment of every day.
HAPPY: Well, that's curable. (TO PAPPY) Isn't it my friend?
HAPPY: And what's gonna cure it?
HAPPY: And what do we do with love?
PAPPY: GIVE IT!
HAPPY: That's all you need—a little love.
MOPEY: (SCREAMS) Oh my gosh. Oh my golly. OH, GOSHGOLLYGOSH!
HAPPY: Are you okay?
MOPEY: My legs are numb.
HAPPY: Well, they're probably just asleep. Happens to me all the time in these awful chairs.
MOPEY: I just knew my legs would give out one day. Too many books in my backpack.
HAPPY: Look, you just need to get up and walk around. Come on.
MOPEY: I can't.
HAPPY: You can. (HELPS MOPEY UP. MOPEY DOESN'T MAKE IT EASY) That's it. Good. Now, just walk a little.
MOPEY: No, I can't feel my legs. I can't.
HAPPY: Just try. Please. (LETS MOPEY GO. SHE FALLS LIMPLY. PICKS MOPEY UP. SHE FALLS AGAIN) Come on. You can do it. Just put one foot in front of the other. Right, Happy Club?
HAPPY AND PAPPY: When your legs give out
and your head's full of doubt
that you'll ever walk this way.
(THEY WALK THE SAME FUNNY WAY ACROSS THE STAGE IN RHYTHM)
just call out our name
and we'll light your flame
we've come to save the day!
(THEY CHEER AND SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT. MOPEY TRIES TO STAND, THEN FALLS AGAIN)
PAPPY: (DISAPPOINTED) Awwwwwww. (PAUSE) Awwwwwww.
HAPPY: Happy Club, we'll have no more of that. Let's make this lost, tired, and beaten soul stand with our positive energy.
(THEY SHOUT AND CHEER. MOPEY STANDS, AND FALLS)
PAPPY AND HAPPY: Awwwwwwww.
HAPPY: Come on, Happy Club—positive energy. Positive. POSITIVE!
(THEY SHOUT AND CHEER. MOPEY STANDS, AND FALLS)
MOPEY: Oh my gosh. Oh my golly. OH, GOSHGOLLYGOSH GOLLY GOSH—GOSH!
MOPEY: I can't open my eye. It's frozen.
HAPPY: Your eye isn't frozen. Just open it.
MOPEY: No, it freezes sometimes. One time, I couldn't open it for three days. OWWWWW!
(HOLDS LOWER RIGHT ABDOMEN. HER EYE REMAINS CLOSED)
HAPPY: What? What?
MOPEY: It's my appendix. I think it's going burst.
HAPPY: It's just happy bubbles. And what do happy bubbles do?
HAPPY: And when do they pop?
PAPPY: In private!
HAPPY: It's time for the healing ceremony! (THEY PICK UP MOPEY, LAY HER ON THE TABLE, AND PROP HER HEAD UP ON SOME BOOKS, FACING THE AUDIENCE. HER EYE REMAINS FROZEN. THEY SPLIT AND MOVE TO OPPOSITE SIDES OF HER) Let's focus love energy through our hands and cure this unhappy person!
(THEY DO A LITTLE DANCE. STOP. THEY PUT THEIR ARMS STRAIGHT OUT AND POINT THEIR FINGERS STRAIGHT AT MOPEY. THEY CLOSE THEIR EYES, AND CONCENTRATE IN AN EXAGGERATED MANNER, AS IF ENERGY IS FLOWING THROUGH THEIR ARMS, AND INTO HER)
MOPEY: Doesn't matter if you cure me. It'll just be something else tomorrow. (THE HAPPY CLUB DRAW THEIR ARMS IN, THEN THRUST MORE ENERGY) And there's nothing to look forward to anyway. Even if I happen to live until I'm sixteen, all I'll be doing then is working at McDonald's. (THEY THRUST AGAIN) Let alone the fact that I have the kind of skin that mosquitoes just love and they'll probably give me at least six diseases before I'm sixty. (SLAPS BACK OF NECK) I just knew they'd finally get me at school. (THEY FUTILELY OVER AND OVER) And all that doesn't even matter anyway, because the sun is going to blow up—it's going to go supernova. We'll all be fried like little happy eggs in a big happy pan. It won't matter if there's French in your fries. It won't matter that there are billions of mosquitoes—at this very moment—dreaming of your tasty blood. They'll all get cooked right along with everything else.
HAPPY: (OPENS EYES) What do you mean the sun's gonna blow up?
MOPEY: I read it in the newspaper. The article said that the sun will someday just go BOOM! And they don't know when it's going to happen.
(PAPPY OPENS EYES AND LOWER ARMS, OBVIOUSLY WORRIED ABOUT THE SUN EXPLODING)
HAPPY: That's not gonna happen. No way.
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