Having Your Cake reminds me of the times when we were children and we played a game called "house." My friends and I would assume the roles of Mommy, Daddy, and their kids, and have a great time. This play is written in that spirit. It has been staged by 4th grade age all the way up to adult. All characters should be played by different actors. If you have a disproportionate amount of girls or boys available, have a female play a male part, and vice versa. The parts of the sons, Jack and Stevie, can become daughters (Jackie and Stephie). Just change the text when it pertains to gender. Costumes for each of the different versions of the characters should be the same. I.E. Mom #1, #2, #3 should all wear similar costumes. Make it over-the-top!
BINKY THE DOG #1
BINKY THE DOG #2
A home in Anywhere, USA.
A table, 4 chairs, two pieces of cake, a whole cake, plates and forks, a few cups of milk, four collars, and four chains or ropes to attach to collars.
Having Your Cake was first performed at the following schools and companies in the spring of 2000:
Having Your Cake was first published in 2000 as part of the collection Plays For Kids To Do: Volume 1
The play begins with Jack #1 and Stevie #1 eating cake. Jack complains to Mom #1 about the size of his piece. When he doesn't get what he wants, he wishes for a new Mom--and gets one! Then a series of wishes that come true take place. Family members keep getting replaced. Three sets of Jack's, Stevie's, Mom's, Dad's, and Binky's make their appearance by the end of the play. The play ends with Binky the dog in full control of the house. The last version of the family ends up wearing dog collars and being taken for a walk by Binky.
(JACK #1 AND STEVIE #1 SIT AT A TABLE. THERE ARE FOUR CHAIRS. THEY EACH HAVE PIECES OF CAKE IN FRONT OF THEM. STEVIE #1'S IS BIGGER)
JACK #1: Hey, your piece of cake is bigger than mine.
STEVIE #1: No, it isn't.
JACK #1: It is , too.
STEVIE #1: (TAKES A BITE) See, it's the same size.
JACK #1: That's because you took a bite.
STEVIE #1: No, sir.
JACK #1: Yessir.
STEVIE #1: No sir.
JACK #1: Yessir.
STEVIE #1: NO, SIR!
JACK #1: (PULLS RULER OUT OF HIS POCKET AND MEASURES PIECES) Yours is still a little bigger, even though you ate a half-inch.
STEVIE #1: Who cares? (EATS)
JACK #1: Mom! Mom! (PAUSE) Mooooooom!!!!!
(ENTER MOM #1)
MOM #1: I thought I told you not to bother me when I'm on the phone with my psychic. You know that your mean Daddy has been limiting me to just one call a week. Now what is it?
JACK #1: Stevie got a bigger piece of cake than me.
MOM #1: I cut them the same size.
(STEVIE #1 LOOKS AT HIM AS IF TO SAY "I TOLD YOU SO")
JACK #1: No, you didn't. It's not fair.
MOM #1: Life isn't always fair, Jack.
JACK #1: I want more cake! I want more cake! I WANT MORE CAKE!
MOM #1: You're going to go to your room for the night if you don't stop your complaining. Now, leave me alone, I have to finish this call. (TO PHONE) I'm sorry, Emmy Lou, you know how it is. Do you really think I'll finally be happy next week? Tell me what you see...(EXITS)
JACK #1: Life is supposed to be fair. (STANDS) With all the power of my being I demand a new Mom! NOW! (PAUSE) Mom! Mom! (PAUSE) MOOOOOOOM!!!!
(ENTER MOM #2)
MOM #2: Jack, what is it dear?
JACK #1: You gave Stevie a bigger piece of cake than me.
MOM #2: I did? Well, I'll just have to make it all better. (EXITS)
STEVIE #1: You can't just demand a new Mom, and then actually get one.
JACK #1: Live with it.
(ENTER MOM #2 WITH A WHOLE CAKE)
MOM #2: Here ya go, Jack. (PUTS IT IN FRONT OF HIM)
JACK #1: Thanks. You're the best Mom ever.
MOM #2: Nothing's too good for my favorite son.
STEVIE #1: Hey, I thought I was your favorite son. And he gets a whole cake?
MOM #2: I don't have time for you right now, Stevie. I have an appointment with...destiny. Excuse me. (EXITS)
STEVIE #1: Dad! Dad! (PAUSE) DAAAAAAAD!
(ENTER DAD #1 WITH BINKY THE DOG #1. BINKY SNIFFS THE FLOOR LOOKING FOR CRUMBS)
DAD #1: Hey, I'm was trying to train Binky. I told you not to bother me when I'm training Binky. We can't have untrained dogs in this world. There's nothing worse than walking down the street and stepping in poo! Poo not in it's proper place is not proper, and that proper place for poo is...well...in that proper place for poo. Heel, Binky. Heel, Binky.
(BINKY #1 IGNORES HIM AND GOES BETWEEN STEVIE AND JACK, PUTS PAWS ON TABLE, AND BEGS FOR CAKE)
DAD #1: Binky! Down. (BINKY IGNORES HIM)
STEVIE #1: Dad, I have a crisis.
DAD #1: It better be good. (GETS BINKY #1 FROM TABLE) Sit, Binky. (BINKY #1 SITS. HE GIVES BINKY #1 AN OYSTER CRACKER) Good dog. Here's a delicious oyster cracker for you.
(BINKY #1 SPITS IT OUT WITH DISGUST. RUNS BACK TO THE TABLE AND MANAGES TO GET STEVIE'S REMAINING CAKE)
DAD #1: Bad dog. (HE MOVES TO GET BINKY #1, WHO RUNS FROM HIM. DAD #1 CHASES HIM AROUND THE STAGE) Heel, Binky. Heel, Binky.
(BINKY #1 GETS BEHIND HIM. TRIPS HIM)
BINKY #1: (TO AUDIENCE) He said heel.
DAD #1: I hate that dog.
JACK #1: Just wish for another one, Dad.
DAD #1: I can't just wish for another Binky, and then get another Binky.
JACK #1: You'll never know until you try.
DAD #1: Okay. I'll try anything at this point. I wish for another Binky.
JACK #1: Demand it, Dad.
DAD #1: I demand another Binky—NOW! (ENTER BINKY #2. HE CHASES BINKY #1 FROM THE STAGE. BINKY #2 SITS PROPERLY AND POLITELY AT THE FEET OF DAD #1) Well, that's better. Good dog.
STEVIE #1: Dad. Dad!! What about my crisis?
DAD #1: It's all better now, Stevie. Look at what Binky did. Binky heeled! Roll over, Binky. (BINKY #2 ROLLS OVER) Sit up and beg! (BINKY #2 SITS UP AND BEGS) Good dog! Now dance!
(ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYS. BINKY #2 DANCES. FIRST ON ALL FOURS. THEN STANDING UP. BINKY USES THE WHOLE STAGE. EVEN WALTZES WITH DAD #1. THE DANCE SHOULD BE AS WILD AS POSSIBLE. STEVIE #1 IS VISIBLY UNHAPPY WITH WHAT HE SEES. JACK EATS HIS CAKE)
STEVIE #1: (SCREAMS. THE MUSIC STOPS. BINKY #2 STOPS) STOP! That's it. Enough with Binky. I hate Binky. Binky is a poo dog. A POOOOOOO DOG!!!!!!
DAD #1: Excuse me, son?
STEVIE #1: He's a poo dog. And you are a poo Dad.
DAD #1: Binky is NOT a poo dog, and obviously, I've never been a poo dad. Well, there is one thing for sure—I want a better trained son. I demand a new son, Stevie. NOW!
STEVIE #1: (AT THE SAME TIME) I demand a new Dad. NOW!
(ENTER STEVIE #2 AND DAD #2. STEVIE #1 AND DAD #1 DON'T WANT TO LEAVE. BINKY #2 BARKS, AND CHASES THEM OFF. BINKY #2 RETURNS, AND HEELS)
DAD #2: Good dog. Well, son, what's the crisis?
STEVIE #2: Well, Dad, there is no crisis. I was just sitting here watching Jack eat his cake, and I'm really enjoying myself. I know you're training the dog, and I don't want to bother you. Go back to what you were doing. I'm fine. The world is fine. I'm happy.
DAD #2: Well, as you can see, Binky doesn't need training. Binky's a good dog. So, I'll just stay here with you, and watch Jack enjoy that fine-looking cake.
(SITS. DAD #2, STEVIE #2, AND BINKY #2 EXHIBIT SIGNS OF DESIRE FOR THE CAKE. THEY EDGE CLOSER, AND TRY TO PICK AT THE FROSTING.)
JACK #1: Hey! Get your hands off.
DAD #2: Well, that's very untrained of you.
STEVIE #2: Yeah, very untrained. (BINKY #2 BARKS)
BINKY #2: (SPEAKS TO AUDIENCE) He's being a poo boy.
JACK #1: Mom made it special for me. It's all mine. I don't even have to eat it. I can waste it if I want to. (TAKES A PIECE AND SMOOSHES IT IN HIS HANDS)
DAD #2: You're wasting food, Jack.
JACK #1: It's more than I can eat, so I might as well waste it. Everybody does it. It's the American way.
STEVIE #2: Dad, Jack is acting spoiled.
DAD #2: He sure is. Mother! Mother! (PAUSE) Motherrrrrrrr! (ENTER MOM #2)
MOM #2: I thought I told you not to call me mother. I am your wife, not your mother. My name is Lucy. Can you say Lucy?
DAD #2: Lucy.
MOM #2: That's better. Now, I was pursuing my destiny, and lo' and behold, I have been interrupted by my rude family.
DAD #2: Our son is being wasteful, and doesn't want to share. (BINKY BARKS)
BINKY #2: (TO THE AUDIENCE) Okay, I'm an eating machine. I'll do anything for food.
MOM #2: Well, Ricky—notice I didn't call you "father"—why does he have to share? I made that for him. It's his.
DAD #2: Because, Lucy, I'm trying to teach him to share.
MOM #2: But, Ricky, in real life, people don't share everything. We don't share our house with anyone, nor our car, nor our money. We keep all our stuff to ourselves, and only give something away if it doesn't sell at the yard sale.
DAD #2: But that's the adult world, Lucy.
MOM #2: That's true, Ricky. You're right. Jack, share your cake.
JACK #1: No.
MOM #2: Share your cake.
JACK #1: No, but I'll tell you what I will do. I'll write a message of love in the frosting with my toothpick. (WRITES IN THE FROSTING)
DAD #2: What a nice thing to do. Isn't it, Lucy?
MOM #2: It sure is, Ricky. That's our sweet Jack—always showing his love.
STEVIE #2: I just want some cake.
(BINKY BARKS HIS OWN DESIRE FOR CAKE)
DAD #2: Now, be quiet, Stevie. Jack's doing something nice.
JACK #1: All finished.
DAD #2: Well, it's so small. I can barely read it.
JACK #1: Come closer and look, Dad. Closer. Closer. (HE GENTLY SMOOSHES THE PIECE OF CAKE ON TOP OF DAD #2'S HEAD. JACK LAUGHS. DAD #2 IS SHOCKED AND SPEECHLESS) Now, you, Mom. Your message is still there.
MOM #2: You won't smoosh cake on me, will you?
(DAD EATS CAKE OFF HIS HEAD. BINKY JOINS IN)
JACK #1: Oh, no. I would never do that to you.
MOM #2: Well. okay. I'm just going to walk right over, and read my message of love from my wonderful son. I can't see it.
JACK #1: Closer, Mom. Come on. You can trust me.
(SHE MOVES CLOSER. HE TRIES TO SMOOSH CAKE ON HER HEAD, BUT SHE GRABS HIS WRIST. SHE SHAKES HER HEAD AND WAGS HER FINGER TO SAY NO. SHE THEN TAKES SOME OF THE CAKE AND GENTLY DABS A LITTLE BEHIND EACH EAR AND ON THE TIP OF HER NOSE. SHE SMOOTHS HER CLOTHES AND PROUDLY HOLDS HER HEAD HIGH)
STEVIE #2: I think it's time for a new Jack, Mom and Dad. He has no respect for his parents.
DAD #2: You're right, Stevie. This Jack is bad. He's greedy, and can't be trusted with a whole cake.
MOM #2: And just to think I made him that cake.
DAD #2: I want a new Jack. Everyone. Come on.
DAD #2, MOM #2, STEVIE #2: (IN RHYTHM) We demand a new Jack. We demand a new Jack. We demand a new Jack...
(THEY KEEP REPEATING. BINKY #2 BARKS IN RHYTHM. ENTER JACK #2 WHO PROMPTLY PLOPS SOME CAKE ON JACK #1'S HEAD. JACK #1 EXITS. THE FAMILY SITS AT THE TABLE AND SHARE THE REMAINING CAKE)
DAD #2: Life is perfect, isn't it Lucy?
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